Fingering Maggie

. Oye consortium, I've got a song for you
- Yeah? What?
. "To see you cry, it makes me smaaaaaiiile. I feel bad for a while and then...."
- That's very flaterring, I just don't think of you
. Fuck! You stole a line yet again. Did you hear that people dis darn dash stole another line. Anyway it is good fun figering you 'finger finger'
- I feel like clubbing, hit the party scene
. Standing up or lying down?
- Heh, funny aren't you? Children of the Sky...World hold on. Come to think of it the world can't hold onto you ever
. Did you watch this movie 'Stranger Than Fiction'? A nice quiet film with a fairly subtle dues ex. You must watch it
- That's the one with Maggie Gyllenhal, innit? (got the pun you stupid dot?)Did you know Maggie acted in 'The Secretary' it was a movie that had a boss and "The Secretary" indulge in BDSM fantasies. I expected the movie to be one on quickies, what with Maggie being done in 2 minutes and all.
. The question was, did you watch the movie, you trivia buster.
- No, I didn't
. That's all I wanted to know
- Unappreciative bastard. Do you have the DVD?
. I may
- Can I have it?
. I will consider that
- Oh great. Call me when you're done considering
. I may
- Why do you not like me?
. It's not that, it's just that at times I just can stand you, muhuhahahahah. Sorry but that was jut waiting to blurt itself out. Alright I'll give you the DVD
- Thank you, And God save Maggie

Small Surprises

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This In The Morning

The first two headlines on MSN India.

Government bans AXN for indecent programme.

Ban promises reforms in the UN.

The Long Sunrise

Yaargh, he was eaten by a tyranosaurus who also ended up with his lady love. Of course once Yaargh knew that the reptile was preferred over him he would have gladly placed his neanderthal head in the flint smasher. So being the rather stubby dinner for Rex didn't feel that bad. Of course the bateria, paleozoic ones, in the lizard's saliva would've happily colonised his gonads (that's where they bite) and killed him and his neighbours with the gangarene gas. But then the neighbours were all dead, thanks to a ravenous T-Rex and a faulty flint smasher.

As Yaaargh passed into afterlife he added another 'a' to his name, to grow as an individual he would say. That is if you met him and to do so you'd have to end up in the nether regions of a neanderthal world, the thing they called Rhumba. Today, however, we have a sophisticated hell system where everyone has a no-exit booking etc.

"Hmph!"

Waiting For Change? Never!

This is no New Year resolution bit, it is just a way in which I can keep a tab on my devils (sorry bout that had to common terminology, you know how much we appreciate each other).
This thing has been lying pending for over a year now.
What?
The website that brings more to its readers.
There is a name - Offguard, courtesy Supriya (www.roswitha.blogspot.com). So the elusive URL would be www.offguard.net
What happens here?
Everyday that I delay, procastinate and give other excuses, long office hours, personal life in a mess, lost and bored or any other excuses my rather fertile brain conjures up will be documented in full or brief, whichever comes first.
So it is out in the open, anonymity aside.

Wait For Me, I'm Busy Laughing

I read this and realised that laughing my guts out was not a pleasent feeling. Do note the last line- Discover the excitement and pleasure of having gorgeous, horny women automatically drawn to you like a magnet.

Recursive Diarrohea

"However, during the course of shooting and editing, a series of persistent and eventually overpowering centrifugal impulses disrupted the original schema, and discontinuities brought to light through this process prompted a decision to allow the material to splinter into a series of shorter texts, more widely discursive and more tenuously linked, each contributing towards a larger general exploration of the role/s and processes of narrativizing in our lives."
That was written on some site about some project. Reminded me of the mathematical lemma that never quite entered my head. I've always wondered what made people talk in a manner that meant including incomprehensible words and turn of phrase in their writing. The more prominent artists (culprits!) who indulge in this are playwrights and feature writers or critics. Is simple expression dead? Are these complex sentences used to seperate the normal people from the 'enlightened' ones?

Have A Read

Would there be any takers for a site that
-Offers the reader a wide variety of content, written and visual. A magazine online but because it is online it will support what is very enthusiastically called 'rich media' as well
-Has a certain irreverant tinge to it and is a platform for ideas.
-Is updated daily and is something you can update and customise as well.
-Goes by the name Offguard, but has absolutely no left or right leanings.
-Does a lot more than any publication in any medium has ever done for its readers and this at no cost whatsoever.
-No spoiling the site's look with unweildy ad bars or towers.

Tell me if anyone is kicked about this. You can mail me at mithunk(at)gmail(dot)com
I've had one aborted attempt at this but this time it must work out. Also if anyone knows a very good Java Script programmer or Ajax manipulator could you get me in touch with them?

We Be Burning

How can you not fall for someone who says

To use my hips as a fulcrum
You are always wellcum

hah!

The New Bond Movie Is All Tosh

Yeah he's back and he is blond. So what? After 5 of them and especially George 'I can shag the life out of Bella Starr' Lazenby who gives a damn about who plays Bond? The islanders do because its the only time they are the smarter lot and Langley is left licking the leftovers, but then this isn't about Bond. Daniel Craig can be all craggy and gritty (wait, wasn't Timothy Dalton all that?) but he still can't manage enough punch, with all his brawn, to hold up this overhyped 'if you've seen the trailer you've pretty much seen the film' Bond card game fiasco. Yes, you can quote me there. The movie may go on an rake in millions but apart from the chase (on foot, mind you) in Madagascar, the rest can be best described as a pre-title sequence.
The plot looks like its made of ceramic. No matter how hard you try to twist it, it stays firm and looks supeficial. Oh and it is very delicate as well, which is where the Eon Productions goofed up. They should've printed 'Handle With Care' in bold red before tossing it over to Martin Campbell. By the end of the film you're left picking up the fragments and piecing it together only to find a dour looking finger bowl when you expected an exquisitely crafted antique vase or some such richly complicated turn of the century piece of art.
It was to be a reboot, much like Christopher Nolan's 'Batman Begins', but I feel Martin Campbell overestimated himself here. A reboot does mean going back to the drawing board and trying to breathe in a fresh perspective, but it certainly does not mean serving up a 2 hour poker game in the guise of a spy thriller, I'd rather watch 'Rounders' all over again.
The actors, apart from Daniel Craig, who has much to prove yet, were quite rudimentary. Le Chiffre can weep copius amounts of blood and try and act icy but someone who looks at Bond's beefy, naked body and goes 'Wow' is hardly the super villian I am used to. This may be Bond's first outing as a super spy but it was my 21st and I'm used to the calculating and heartless villians that dotted the earlier flicks. Think Max Zorin, Scaramanga hell even Gustav Graves with his diamond acned Zao had more menace than this accountant ('Banker to the world's terrorists' says M) who can't keep his cards straight and his boss Mr White. Wonder if Tarantino is suing for copyright violation here.
Bond falls in love, as he will in numerous future escapades, but acts as if he is done loving and giving after his beloved Vesper goes down the elevator shaft, into the murky waters of Venice. He also tenders his resignation, pouts like a school boy and laughs while his nuts are being cracked. But he doesn't manage to grip me or make me believe he is the same 007 that Ian Fleming crafted and Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan essayed with such ease.
I suppose Eon Productions would do well to hand over the direction duties to Roberto Rodriguez the next time they want a reboot, a little bit of white gunk masquerading as blood may to the trick. In the words of Daniel Craig's other alter ego Conner Rooney, Casino Royale was 'fucking hysterical'.