Wednesday, November 22, 2006

We Be Burning

How can you not fall for someone who says

To use my hips as a fulcrum
You are always wellcum


Saturday, November 18, 2006

The New Bond Movie Is All Tosh

Yeah he's back and he is blond. So what? After 5 of them and especially George 'I can shag the life out of Bella Starr' Lazenby who gives a damn about who plays Bond? The islanders do because its the only time they are the smarter lot and Langley is left licking the leftovers, but then this isn't about Bond. Daniel Craig can be all craggy and gritty (wait, wasn't Timothy Dalton all that?) but he still can't manage enough punch, with all his brawn, to hold up this overhyped 'if you've seen the trailer you've pretty much seen the film' Bond card game fiasco. Yes, you can quote me there. The movie may go on an rake in millions but apart from the chase (on foot, mind you) in Madagascar, the rest can be best described as a pre-title sequence.
The plot looks like its made of ceramic. No matter how hard you try to twist it, it stays firm and looks supeficial. Oh and it is very delicate as well, which is where the Eon Productions goofed up. They should've printed 'Handle With Care' in bold red before tossing it over to Martin Campbell. By the end of the film you're left picking up the fragments and piecing it together only to find a dour looking finger bowl when you expected an exquisitely crafted antique vase or some such richly complicated turn of the century piece of art.
It was to be a reboot, much like Christopher Nolan's 'Batman Begins', but I feel Martin Campbell overestimated himself here. A reboot does mean going back to the drawing board and trying to breathe in a fresh perspective, but it certainly does not mean serving up a 2 hour poker game in the guise of a spy thriller, I'd rather watch 'Rounders' all over again.
The actors, apart from Daniel Craig, who has much to prove yet, were quite rudimentary. Le Chiffre can weep copius amounts of blood and try and act icy but someone who looks at Bond's beefy, naked body and goes 'Wow' is hardly the super villian I am used to. This may be Bond's first outing as a super spy but it was my 21st and I'm used to the calculating and heartless villians that dotted the earlier flicks. Think Max Zorin, Scaramanga hell even Gustav Graves with his diamond acned Zao had more menace than this accountant ('Banker to the world's terrorists' says M) who can't keep his cards straight and his boss Mr White. Wonder if Tarantino is suing for copyright violation here.
Bond falls in love, as he will in numerous future escapades, but acts as if he is done loving and giving after his beloved Vesper goes down the elevator shaft, into the murky waters of Venice. He also tenders his resignation, pouts like a school boy and laughs while his nuts are being cracked. But he doesn't manage to grip me or make me believe he is the same 007 that Ian Fleming crafted and Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan essayed with such ease.
I suppose Eon Productions would do well to hand over the direction duties to Roberto Rodriguez the next time they want a reboot, a little bit of white gunk masquerading as blood may to the trick. In the words of Daniel Craig's other alter ego Conner Rooney, Casino Royale was 'fucking hysterical'.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

About Neelkanth And Questions

If all my posts started with 'I' they'd just remain that, my posts. If they began with a question they'd still not tickle your fancy. (I'm extremely ticklish and some people respect that.)
Is it too 'unmacho' to be ticklish? Macho sounds like an abuse anyway. Saala Macho. Hah, I'm normal. The complexities do not come until much later. Prerna would know. She has been through one of the most expressive phases of my life (as yet). People would normally get excited about an err...exciting trip. I would be as staid as cattle chewing cud. "Yum trip good good..." That exasperates people. Using the general term 'people' also irritates some. Where do I duck? What gets your goose cooked? Where did that phrase come from?
Some smart song says that paradise is how you feel for a moment. So is orgasm a paradise? A friend of mine, who was a med student (I have science in my corner), told me how she thought that an orgasm actually got people closer to God, or at least that is what a few cultures believed in. Hmm that is why we go "Aaah God, I'm coming!!!" Because you have the license to lick God when you do come, highly male dominated societies decided, 'Ta da, supress the women.' Make the missionary the de facto 'I Do' position so that they can never come close to Him or anyone and are put off by the whole In-Out, In-Out (Bharat Petroleum runs a chain of convenience stores called In & Out, PSUs I tell you). Come to think of it, people say 'I do' in a marriage ceremony.
Padre- So Virgin Mary do you take this man..
Virgin Mary- I do
Padre- And Joseph do you take this woman..
God- I did
Anyway, if a priest is someone who shows people the path to enlightenment or brings them closer to God and the above theory is true, then celibacy for the padre was a bad idea anyway. And maybe a few little boys saw more of God in Republican America.
Blasphemy!! Not the fact that God, you know, was intrumental in an immaculate conception but the fact that I write about padres and the comings and goings of paedophiles.
Once when I had to write a comeptitive essay about success and happiness I went on a spiritual tangent and said everything is Maya anyway, so why worry. I got a 97 percentile in that test. This doesn't work with normal life though. So am I normal? Better than being a Macho...saala macho.
So what gets Shiva blue in the face?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Falling Rabbits

Did you knowtice the new look? You wouldn't if you came in here for the first time.
The first time I asked a girl out I went "Er...I'm not sure...but I think I like you. Take your (yesh this is where the confidence came rushing back) time and tell me if we can...." The rest would've been the cliche that the world knows about.
About me, that's the most difficult section in any personal form. I can talk about things and give you my perspective but 'about me' is a little tricky.
Technology is not tricky, people who don't want to use it are. After all the business I want to start is based almost entirely on technology. It involves giving people what they want, to the last 'T', maybe.
Maybe I am a megalomaniac, maybe I'm just built to be a philosopher or statesman, doing no work, giving people perspectives where not many exist. Maybe I should've studied a little and gotten into an IVY league.
My first day at college was quite the same like my 2nd and a few more days after that. Then something called quizzing happened. I quizzed my way to a lot of money, thanks mainly to my quizzing partner, she was brilliant. The one-off quizzes were the ones that gave us all the money but the ones at the festivals were the fun ones.
College festivals took up most of my time in college, which meant a very bad attendance record, umpteen undertakings and becoming the Cult Sec of the college. The Cult Soc at college taught me how to ideate with a group, manage a group and compete under immense pressure. It also taught me that some of the college authorities including the principal are the reason why the country is in such a bad shape.
Can a beanpole ever go out of shape?