Friday, December 30, 2005

Woh Joe Number 3

This is the last quiz for 2005 and has a 6 hour time limit. I've figured this is what I'd do. Set a time limit depending on the quiz. Anyway there won't be a quiz over the weekend as I will be busy frolicking like you.
The quiz this time around has a few brain teasers thrown in and is heavily into films. I've also introduced images into the quiz this time around. Adding audio and video are also on the anvil, just need to get the tech part figured out. Any suggestions here?

Time to get cracking
1-We'll start off on a very relaxed note, who invented the rocking chair?

2-After that lets get down to some serious trivia busting. Connect "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind" and "Being John Malkovich". The connection I am looking for is not just that they have the same director or crew, there is a funda connection.

3-In Minority Report the three precogs have something in common. What?

4-Nostromo, Narcissus and Nebuchadnazzer. Pick the odd one out also kindly explain the oddity.

5-Name this Bond villian (gimme the character and the actor)



6- I decided to get cryptic here, just one of the variations I figured would make life funner. Each answer is a word made up of two separate words. I'll give you cryptic clues and a definition for the real word and its job to get the answer right? So here goes. "Waste liquid of tree fruit, or a small statuette."

7- This is a movie poster, a very scary movie it was. Gimme the name of the film.



8- Yet another variation, the words given are the scrambled name of a person. A clue to the name is contained in the entry itself.
"Name land finder, gal"

9-This one is a bloody tough soccer one so all the soccer fans give it your best shot. Who has managed the most international teams? If you can give me a list of the teams he has managed.

10- Getting back to normal trivia and an easy one at that. Initially elected in 1946, and ousted in 1955, this leader was again elected president of his country in 1973. Who are we talking about?


The Bonus One
This one is a bit off the trivia boat as well
What number is missing from this list?
8 5 4 _ 1 7 6

The answers will be up on Monday until then Adios and have a blast partying 2005 away.

The Answers and alas...

Ok we almost had a winner this time round just as I hoped. The 12 hour time limit helped I suppose didn't it Jehangir. But he tripped on the Arabian Nights question, so did Nitish. The answer I was looking for was '1001 Arabian Nights', Aladin was just the blank that I left for obvious reasons.
Now my quandry is that if I impose a shorter time restriction, then fewer people would be interested in trying out the questions. SO this is the deal for today, I will make sure that I put the quiz up before 13:00 hrs (IST) and set a limit till 15:00 hrs (IST). Anyone getting all the answers right within this time frame will get the moolah. (Am still trying to figure out the best possible combination). Oh yeah please do comment on how the quiz could be made better, its just a bare bones thingy now. Also do drop in interesting trivia tidbits if you come across any. I'll do the same.
Now for last times answers.

1- Etymologically it comes from a word that means the meeting place of three roads, more specifically a public resort such as an inn or tavern. What?
-Trivia

2-A very simple one, in M&M what does M&Mstand for?
-Mars and Murrie, the inventors of the chocolate

3- There are only two books in the bible named after women. Name them.
-Ruth and Esther

4- Which literary character was born on September 22 1290?
-Bilbo Baggins

5- Staying with books which story began as "--------- was a little Chinese boy"? (obviously there is a name instead of the blank)
-1001 Arabian nights

6-With what would you associate the term "Carriage Return"?
-Typewriting

7- Venice has gondolas, venice also has rules. What is the rule regarding the colour of gondolas in Venice?
-All to be painted black unless it belongs to a high official

8- You can duel in Paraguay as long as........
-Both you and your opponent are registered blood donors

9- In the olden days barbers in America and Europe had a red and white pole outside their shops, why?
-They also practised Bloodletting and tooth extraction. The pole was to signfy these and that whole big explanantion Jango gave

10- How did Nylon get its name?
-New York and London- this one is a problem, there are conflicting versions but we shall stickto NY Lon

Today's Bonus Question

She was the first Indian actress to model for this brand. Name the brand and the actress

Leela Chitnis, Lux

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Quiz No 2

1- Etymologically it comes from a word that means the meeting place of three roads, more specifically a public resort such as an inn or tavern. What?

2-A very simple one, in M&M what does M&Mstand for?

3- There are only two books in the bible named after women. Name them.

4- Which literary character was born on September 22 1290?

5- Staying with books which story began as "--------- was a little Chinese boy"? (obviously there is a name instead of the blank)

6-With what would you associate the term "Carriage Return"?

7- Venice has gondolas, venice also has rules. What is the rule regarding the colour of gondolas in Venice?

8- You can duel in Paraguay as long as........

9- In the olden days barbers in America and Europe had a red and white pole outside their shops, why?

10- How did Nylon get its name?

Today's Bonus Question

She was the first Indian actress to model for this soap. Name the brand and the actress

Answers

The last quiz didn't get any complete correct response. A few in my mailbox had 7 out of the 10 responses. Jehangir got 9 out of the 10 questions within 30 mins of the quiz being up. He didn't get the Star Wars one and the pecularity about Santa's reindeer.
I'm putting up the answers and will be postig Quiz No 2 in a bit. Oh one more thing to get this thing up and runing at full steam I'm extending the time limit to 12 hours. Fair enough?
Also do let me know what sort of questions you would like, collaborations are also allowed, even all of the ertswhile desimediabitch can participate as a team.
Here are the answers

1- Baskin Robbins once made a vegetable flavoured ice-cream. What flavour was it?
]Ketchup

2- The Midnight Cowboy was the only X-rated film to win an Academy award. After it won the something happened to the 'look' of the film, what?
]Rating changed to R

3- Liberia is a country in Africa, its capital in Monrovia. Who is the capital named after and why?
]American President James Monroe. It wa named after Monroe as he was the President of the United States when Liberia was created as the country for slaves freed from America.

4- This one is a little weird. What is weird about the swan?
]Only bird to have a penis

5- April 4th 1964 is a seminal day (no puns) for the Beatles. Why?
]Held the top 5 spots on the Billboard singles chart

6- This part of the human body takes in oxygen directly from the air and not through blood, which part are we talking of?
]The cornea

7- Breathing in the fumes of mercury over a long period of time causes erethism, a disorder characterized by nervousness, irritability, and strange personality changes. The element was used by a particular profession very often. What phrase has come into existence because of this connection?
]Mad Hatter

8- Because of TV censorship, actress Mariette Hartley was not allowed to show her belly button on Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek [episode number 78 in 1969] but later Roddenberry got even. How?
]He gave Hartley "two" belly buttons in the sci-fi movie Genesis II (1973).

9- Sticking to the stars. Who was the first character in the Star Wars series to mouth a dialogue? (Sitter for all star wars fans)
]C3PO

10- Round this 1st installment with yet another entertainment one. What is Donald Duck's middle name?
]Fauntleroy


The Bonus One

Name all of Santa's 8 reindeers. Explain a pecularity.
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.
]Rudolph was not a reindeer in any folk lore or story. He was created by Robert May for the Montgomery Ward department store chain in 1939. The song came a couple of years later.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Lets get down to business Q 1

1- Baskin Robbins once made a vegetable flavoured ice-cream. What flavour was it?

2- The Midnight Cowboy was the only X-rated film to win an Academy award. After it won the something happened to the 'look' of the film, what?

3- Liberia is a country in Africa, its capital in Monrovia. Who is the capital named after and why?

4- This one is a little weird. What is weird about the swan?

5- April 4th 1964 is a seminal day (no puns) for the Beatles. Why?

6- This part of the human body takes in oxygen directly from the air and not through blood, which part are we talking of?

7- Breathing in the fumes of mercury over a long period of time causes erethism, a disorder characterized by nervousness, irritability, and strange personality changes. The element was used by a particular profession very often. What phrase has come into existence because of this connection?

8- Because of TV censorship, actress Mariette Hartley was not allowed to show her belly button on Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek [episode number 78 in 1969] but later Roddenberry got even. How?

9- Sticking to the stars. Who was the first character in the Star Wars series to mouth a dialogue? (Sitter for all star wars fans)

10- Round this 1st installment with yet another entertainment one. What is Donald Duck's middle name?

The Bonus One

Name all of Santa's 8 reindeers. Explain a pecularity.

The Answers will be up tomoroww morning.

Woh Joe Quiz

Its been a while and I am very bad at spouting Gyaan. So I'm just sticking to doing what I like. Starting today this blog will host a daily quiz that has 10 questions and a weekly bumper one. The first person to get all questions right within 2 hours of the questions being posted will be given 100 rupees. Do I have a lot of money to throw around? No but I have a few plans. Lets see if it works.

The first quiz follws in the next post.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Apology

To whoever reads the blog, the proposed 5 part series won't be possible as it is part of a book that I'm writing for the magazine. They hold the copyright, I'm just an employee. Anyway I'll come up with some other stuff.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The History Behind Games-Intro

The following is a series I'm writing on the history of PC and Video games. It will constitute of around 5 posts apart from this introductory piece.

The history of computer games isn’t as old as that of the computer but it is quite a tricky one to track. At many points it diverges away from the computer to independent gaming consoles and arcade machines only to rush back in with a fervor that any gaming enthusiast will recognise. From being played on the EDSACs of yore to the Xbox and Playstations of today computer and video/console games as we know it has traversed along a long and revolutionary path. Most of today’s innovation in display and graphic technology is due to the need of better visuals needed for games. The easiest way to take a look at the history behind the games and their evolution is to take a look at each generation and its progress to the next.

The earliest on computer games were played on the supercomputers of those times. For very obvious reasons these were found only in large universities or the laboratories of large corporations or government agencies, typically the US Department of Defence. This restricted games from being available to the common population and it was not until the mid 1970s.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Once you're done I'll come over

How did you get in? Elvis must've forgotten to bolt the gate as he left the building. As you walk down the corridor you can seen Jim Morisson wave his broken arm at you. Do you know where you are? Anyway keep walking down the corridor. It may get a little cold and musty after the bend but you'll be getting where you want to. Life here is all about living it up at this exact moment. Everything you do here, you'd do in Technicolour. The rest, as they say, have gone to fetch a pail of water along with Jack, Jill and Jammy aka Rahul Dravid. You could also sleep off with Goldilocks she's quite lonely, especially in her sleep. Trip on the wings of destiny if she let's you kill the phrase. If not, jump the gun and chase the big bad wolf into the forest, chances are you might meet Gretel. Quite a woman she has turned into, they say.
The stream that flows through the forest may lead you to the rock where Prometheus is bound or maybe not. If one could be Delphic then you'd figure out where you are off to. Let us assume that you are in the black forest, Grimm as ever. The people you meet here depends largely on who can cook, you or them, and what you can cook.
To Be Continued
If you think I can't carry a thought into the next day then I suppose you need a sip of my testosterone.

Friday, October 21, 2005

The votes are in

The copy test I've written below clicked. The results are out and I passed. In normal lingo that would mean I've got the job. I can take it up if I take a massive pay hit. 10k less than what I'm getting now. My disgust will help me make a decision.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Some Test I Took, The Results Not Out

1. Name an ad on TV you hate, say why and then do your version.

The Cello Express Pen ad where the Chairman of a board (corporate jargon and fundae thrown around forces me to assume this) goes ballistic, prances on the table like Mick Jagger. Hohum, old man takes his coat off, threatens to do away with his trousers and yay, we’re all queuing up to buy the pen. I mean who wouldn’t want a pen that makes people dance and strip. The jumping Jack antic apparently was to play along with the “Express” tag of the pen. Words that best describe the ad, insipid and avoidable.

The “Express” tag line can be used in far more innovative ways as the word packs more punch than what a pelvic thrust can deliver.

The earlier Reynolds adverts focused on the utility that is a pen, used primarily as writing tool. An advert for a pen must focus on this aspect unless of course the alternative uses can actually help in selling the pen.

Using the idea ‘Express’ a strong identifiable campaign can be created. To add a personal touch you can expand the tag line to “Express Yourself”

AD 1- Woman at the table of a ‘posh’ restaurant. (You can call it a 5 star, I wouldn’t know) Going thru the menu and crossing the ‘Ts’ and dotting the ‘Is’. Checking for grammatical errors and putting the commas in their place. You can have dialogues or just ambient sound (because it’s a ‘posh’ restaurant you can have piped music, “Clear or sparkling”).

The same idea can be explored with a person walking around the city correcting signboards, handing out the right spelling to shopkeepers. All written with the Cello pen.

Tag Line- Express Yourself

AD 2- This is the standard ‘bold’ ad. People will wonder why sex is being used to sell a pen. Response to people “Imagine”. Anyway here’s the pitch:

Couple in bed, man using “Cello Pen” to draw on the woman’s naked/semi-naked body. He draws, writes poetry etc. The woman can act like this is the best thing ever.

Tag Line- Express Yourself

AD 3- Provocative ads that create controversies for social reasons always grab the eyeballs. Ok enough of home grown gyan. The pitch starts here:

Boy walks off with a classmate’s pen (Cello Pen). The classmate shouts out “Pen Chor” as the teacher walks by.

Tag Line- Express Yourself


2. Write a hoarding campaign for adoption


Initially I wanted to work out something different and avoid using the image of a child. The cliché however seems to stick. Every campaign for something like adoption will invoke a sense of deja-vu. You can experiment with style and concept but the ultimate insight, as you call it, would remain the same. We must consider adoption as an option, is the message.

For this campaign we can explore multiple options. One could tug at your heart strings, the other could be cute as hell and yet another could be provocative.

Campaign 1

Message: Do it because you can

Image 1: Shots of baby feet, while they are asleep (alternatively we can us palms as well, as they are all curled up and cute), with name tags. Only one tag can be read (preferably the cutest palm or feet) and it reads John Doe or XXX, for a normal audience.

Tag Line: It Doesn’t Have To Be Like This

Image 2: A cute as hell baby crawling across a busy street and in immediate danger of being run over.

Tag Line: It Doesn’t Have To Be Like This

Image 3: A knobbed, long nailed hand reaching out to grab a scared looking kid. (All shadowed and Frank Miller style)

Tag Line: It Doesn’t Have To Be Like This

The above campaign can have a number of other images each showing an impending danger to a child left alone.

Campaign 2

Message: It’s happening all around you.

Here each billboard will be divided into two halves. One half will show the mother/father and kid frolicking/playing. The other half gives a mug shot of the two. For this particular campaign we can use images from the animal kingdom. The Great Dane and tiger/leopard cubs are well known. We can also use a cow and an elephant calf. In addition we use the image of an Indian parent with a Mongoloid baby and other such combinations.

Tag Line: Birds and the Bees do it; even the educated fleas do it.

Campaign 3

Message: It is the best choice

Image: Supermarket with a large number of cute babies on the shelf to pick from. A not very good looking but benevolent couple or a poor couple making a choice.

(The ugly couple funda is a provocative concept that is used to drive home the point that it’s a choice for everyone)

Image: A family portrait, with the entire family having an obvious deformity except the adopted child who is now a stellar young fella.

Tag Line: A little bit of variety always helps

The last campaign is deliberately provocative.


3. Make a story out of the following in about 250 words

Mermaid, silicon chip, saree, candle,
Africa

“This one cannot hold a candle to the earlier one,” he remarked. “Hell this one can’t hold a thing,” said the fisherman, “she has no arms. Whoever saw a mermaid without arms?”

The rough seas and low catch made the fishermen irritable, more so if you were a laid off dotcom employee. If you are wondering how a dotcom boomer takes to phishing then all you need to do is give me your credit card details, number et al and I’d tell you.

The two fishermen sat down in their high speed trawler and called out to RSVP. Ramadorai Shankerpeetam Velapalli Poghai or RSVP was the programming whiz who lost his job because of his brilliance. He programmed a programme to programme programmes. It was an open source application and was available for free. Needless to say the entire programming fraternity got laid off. RSVP went into hiding. He worked as a freelance deckhand, no ESOPs but the pay was better than what a freelance programmer got. The job also gave him a glimpse of the mermaids who swam by the boat. The mermaids never felt threatened by these software junkies, in that respect they were like any other woman. In other respects too they were a chip off the odd silicon blockheads.

RSVP saw the ragged state of his shipmates. He felt like going up to them an apologizing, “Saree, is such a difficult word to say,” he said to himself. But the thought didn’t stick with him too long; rationalizing was the key to survival for any Indian living outside his country. “We’re in the same boat anyway, and it’s not like they’re starving in Africa or anything” he thought.

“Yep?” he asked them.


4. Write 100 words convincing someone to give up smoking

My sister lost her baby last week, my mother has a growth in her uterus, let’s hope it’s benign. Both my uncles succumbed to lung cancer last year; my father is in the final stages of his. My youngest cousin gets bouts of asthma and wheezes his lungs out. The noise disgusts me but his swollen face and bloodshot repulses me even more. The older one, she can’t see him look like a puffer fish, she was born blind. My aunt, she’s dead, had a stroke. We’re a family of orphans. I can only think, can’t move, can’t write, can’t talk, and can’t do anything without help. They say God helps those who can’t take care of themselves. Who helps you when your parents were buttheads? What a drag.


5. Write a radio spot based on the TV commercial you wrote

The scratching noises that’s made while writing and the dialogues between the steward and the customer.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

And When The Band Plays A Million Different Tunes

It takes a while to get the keyboard up and running.
There its running fine and now the world seems nice and closed.
I'm seeing a number of collaborative blogs going through some sort of change.
Bloggers have assumed the role of commetators, thinkers etc or is it the other way round.
As a few bloggers would say, bleh

Friday, July 22, 2005

Gravy Train

Don’t let me go away, for every minute that I stay away I shall be keen to keep it that way.

Keep me tight if you want to see me on the eighth night.

If I do not want your life I would never look back as you cry,

I would sway along with the gravy train by my side.

My pound of flesh I shall have,

Only to quench my thirst for the unknown.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

...or verse

Drawers in drawers out
Let a good day draw us out
A walk in the rain a stroll by the street
For a fluff cloud to stay the heat
Up up and away to town
With nothing but her bridal gown on
Charge us free us and slip betwixt the sheets fornicus

Better...

All the men in ancient Greece were gay
Rolling around in their skirts and toupe
Aristotle and Plato never screwed a mullato
All they did was dance to YMCA

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The Unnecessary

Where you end depends on where you start.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I Am Back

I'm going back to be the man I was.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Predicate

The stylistic images that surround my life are my own doing. So much so that I've become my own character, a brilliant conversationalist, an inane observer, acutely aware of my shortcomings and proud of my sustained long shots. Wit and vitriol are two things that I'm never short of and I'd like to shoot up from the family of the latter.
The days are turning to be far more interesting than I thought they would. I've been propositioned and I've accepted. So what do we have here, a relationship without emotional bondage and sentimental attachments? Now all that is left of me is to get on with my next best piece of art, pimp it and pontificate on the unnecessary.
Have I come along way? I think not. I've just gotten back to what I was, existentialist or culturally creative whichever way you look at it, all that is defined is my sexuality.

When you screw liberty over make sure you leave no Hiccyups
Lest they come along to tuckyouup

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Now Without Any Fear

The darkness will clutch you tightly,
Not let you shrink or inch away,
Only permit a hypnotic sway,
Do you want to test the waters,
Or move into the fold ever so slightly,
Gauge your fears and cross the threshold,
Wait for the season to stall,
And the sun to turn into a pale blue ball.

Do it now, tomorrow may show you a false light and push your misery gently into the dank recesses of your thought.

Melancholy

It just sweeps across. Most days it is hidden, on other days it refuses to stay put. How does a dark heart feel, stuck behind a farce of a face? Ill-fated, lamenting the lack of fears, reason for tears. For how much longer will the cage hold on? Time will flow away like a dark ebb, far away from any chance of change. The Dark fear will strike one day and leave an ashen face in it's wake.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Catcher Of The Fly

Something that I had written in my first year college. Had to turn in an article for the college mag within 45 minutes and this was the best I could come up with. Of course it is a lampoon of "Catcher in the Rye". Now when I read it I find that some parts could've been tweaked or rephrased but then I was never a reader's writer. The piece also got me into trouble with a college HOD. That I think was the best part.
Here goes nothing.........

I'm not going to give you my history or anything of the sort. All I'm going to tell you is how I spent a whole day in this college. After being kicked out of Frenchie (for the uninitiated, Frenchie is the nickname of Room No. 407 - not the underwear. If you kick me out of my bare essentials I swear I'll have you castrated).

The reason for the expulsion was that I was testing my burglar alarm in the middle of my lecture. Actually, I was just trying to make the guy who was sitting next to me stop snoring. I had inserted the rods of my alarm in his nostril and the bell went off. It wasn't my fault - you too would have got pissed off sitting next to that slob. Every time he snored, a drop of snot fell from his nose.

I had no place to go, and so I went into the Reading Room and thought that I might read the day’s paper. However, all the seats were taken. All except for one beside a guy who reminded me of this classmate of mine. This chap had a tattoo on his arm which he said was that of a bull's. I’ve always felt that it was a cow's tattoo. I mean, you could only see its face and you can't possibly make out whether the animal is a cow or a bull by only looking at its head can you? Anyway, this guy sitting in the Reading Room reminded me of the cowherd (it’s a cow, I tell you). The chap was reading a management book and had a business newspaper in his bag. I presumed that this guy must be a management bloke. They have management written all over their faces. On the table next to ours a guy was sitting and flexing his forearms. I have a friend who is constantly doing that. He keeps challenging everybody to an arm-wrestling contest and keeps losing. This chap and the tattoo bloke both are decent chaps in all respects except for their personalities. They are big phonies actually.

I walked out of the Reading Room and went over to the canteen. It’s called Prakash's Canteen. Prakash is actually a waiter but he plays the piano that's kept in the corner. Today he was playing Beethoven's Unfinished Symphony…and kept finishing it. That really pissed me off. Beethoven must have left his work unfinished for some reason.

I like going to the canteen because that's the only place where they give you a drink without asking your age. I'm underage you know. I had 7-8 bottles of Bisleri out there and then ran off to the loo to relieve myself. In the loo I found a guy pissing with a straight face. I can never piss with a straight face, not even if you switched on the Oprah Winfrey show. Actually, I always sing while pissing. My favourite at these times is 'Staying Alive' by the BeeGees. There are two reasons for this, the first being that ‘Staying Alive’ is essentially a loo song, and that secondly, pissing is necessary to stay alive. I'm quite happy with myself because I can piss and sing at the same time. I havent tried dancing as yet.
So, as I was saying, the guy was pissing with a straight face. It was as if he was concentrating on something. I guessed that a spider or a roach must've fallen in the urinal
Out of the loo and I was back again in the corridors. They were pretty crowded now. I bumped into the lecturer who had removed me from my class. She called me aside and asked me why I kept doing such things. She said, "Solder (my name, dope!), your dad's gonna kill you when he comes to know that you've been thrown out of class again. Your dad's gonna kill you.” She kept repeating this for around five minutes or so. I had to give a thump on her back to put her back on track.

We once had a lecturer who kept repeating 'over here' every time.If you ever spoke to him the conversation would go like this.

YOU: Sir, how shall I solve this problem?
HIM: Over here, you put blah, blah…Over here and then you take this blah… Over here and finally you get the answer over here. Have you got me over here?
YOU: Over and out sir.
HIM: Over here it's over here and out my boy. Over here, over here…(fades away).

So this lecturer kept repeating, "Your dad's gonna kill you." Until I put her back on track. She was a very good teacher, though. I couldn’t say so myself, but I’m sure of it.

Somehow I couldn't control myself and started sobbing. She put her arm around my shoulder to console me. She was a very good teacher. She asked me, "What do you want to become? What's your ambition, Solder?" I thought for a while but didn't answer. "Do you want to be a doctor, an engineer or a lawyer, Solder?" she asked. "You know," I said "have you seen the garbage heaps all over the city? And have you seen the flies flying around them? These flies spread all these diseases. I'd like to be a catcher of the fly. Yeah! That’s what I want to be!” She stood up, angrily saying that I needed to get myself psychoanalysed. She said that I had lost my marbles. Anyway that was it. I left for another lecture.

Monday, June 27, 2005

The Other Side of Destiny

The eyes give you away. Betray you to your last axon. Never once did you think that those honey brown, seemingly ubiquitous pearls would give you away. All the while you kept up with your charade I knew this was coming. But never was I in the dark and so I’m not surprised, liberated yes. At times I waited for the day when you thought it would be the best to come out in the open, waited till it hurt every time I saw you look at me with concern and a trace of affection. I wanted to lunge forth at you. Make sure you never got a chance to catch me off-guard. There were times when I let my guard down, deliberately, so that you could make your move. Patience was something I never had, but for you I went through the painful process, just to see this look in your eye when you know your soul’s been laid bare. If only your eyes had the steel that you drove through me.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Need Some Help Here

I need a broadband connection. Which service provider is the best? I’m looking for a scheme that does not have a maximum download clause.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Missing and Blissful

A few days ago my block went missing, haven’t seen him since. This guy has been with me for over 2 years. Other than a few sabbaticals that he afforded me in the middle, the chap has been solely responsible for the really mediocre quality of literature I churned out incessantly. The humour was always insipid, the philosophy confused and the rest irrelevant. Without him my grammar may not improve, the jokes would be as stale as ever and my metaphors and similes absent. This however wouldn’t weigh on my mind as it was always the block as an entity that mattered. My lack of talent was always blatant, but the block made it difficult to cover up. Now in his absence I can lace my sentences in words that I never knew existed or understood.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

All You Need Is Love

Robin Hood, Men In Tights had King John go around asking “What to do, what to do?” in a very L.A accent. An interesting bit of a movie. Mel Brooks spoofs of all the zaniest images and characters around.
Anyway the point here is that now I feel like going around asking “What to do, what to do?” I have been reading a lot of blogs of late. Most by young working women and some really “culturally concerned” individual sitting in Chandigarh insists that guys like me do it just so as to hook onto these girls and eventually bed them. Wow, what a neat concept to get some action. Read the blogs, leave a few comments, get onto the mailing business, then onto their chat ids and finally into their underwear. A few problems like distances between cities and a better than expected moral framework is of no consequence.

All we want is some floating action,
A little bit of flight and some sauntered motion,
Languid insanities with the ones who are Languid in sanitaries.

This ‘definitelymale’ from Punjab has sure got all the perverts like me by our trackballs. Girls beware especially when you see a comment on your blog from me. I’m the one lurking and waiting for you to be alone and looking for a shoulder to lean on.
Muuaaaaaaaah
Would Samit agree that I’m an eviler version of Danjem

Friday, June 03, 2005

Give me a sip of your oxytocin

How did you get in? Elvis must've forgotten to bolt the gate as he left the building. As you walk down the corridor you can seen Jim Morisson wave his broken arm at you. Do you know where you are? Anyway keep walking down the corridor. It may get a little cold and musty after the bend but you'll be getting where you want to. Life here is all about living it up at this exact moment. Everything you do here, you'd do in Technicolour.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Friday, April 29, 2005

Fine so I'm a Wine

I always knew this but guess you guys must know too


Wine
Wine


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

A Mega Mix

Rajdeep Sardesai (one of Prannoy Roy's 'crown jewels') has quit NDTV. Now that's old news. Also he's out to start another channel, tentatively called Broadcast News. That's old news again. The prominent stakeholders in this new channel are Subhash Chandra, Zee's head honcho, and TV18, the production house that is synonymous with CNBC in India. Now the news in warming up. So you have Subhash Chandra, India's first true media baron, Rajdeep Sardesai, the most recognisable faces on television news in India, and Raghav Bahl, the smart and politically savvy MD of TV18, all in one big group. That's interesting.
The print section of the media is also having its share of megers or rather tie-ups. Zee and Dainik Bhaskar (India's largest selling Hindi daily) teaming up in Mumbai to launch a newspaper, DNA. This is obviously to take on Times of India on their home turf. Times too is planning to launch a News channel. They have tied up with Reuters for this venture. Dainik Bhaskar is launching their own independent channel, Channel 7. This, as you might have guessed by now, is a news channel. The no frills, serious channel.
This obviously leads to a big muddle with Zee and Dainik competing with Times in the print arena and in turn slugging it out amongst themselves in the broadcast sector. Yes, Times too is in the fray. Seems like both Subhash Chandra and the Dainik Group have hedged their bets on the dramatic collapse of the Times Group and the slow decimation of NDTV.

Aggregate

Some said that they are an aggregate of their existence to date. Are we all the same? Just plain aggregates. I'll tell you something that I like. I decide what I want. So as per the above theory all the instances in my life decides what I want. Which means that I don't, in effect, decide but a whole bunch of influences and people in my life decide what I'd want in my life. And then who decides what happens in their life. Some other people. This becomes the ridiculous Chicken-Egg question. So mathematically those who say that they are an aggregate etc are wrong.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Sex Kills...

There is an interesting theory put forth by Bill Nye. According to Nye we need to evolve very quick to stay on the evolutionary chain. It's like a jogger where you have to keep moving to stay put. Now really small organisms like the bacteria and viruses evolve and mutate much quicker than we. To make our gene pool strong we must reproduce,
1) At a very fast rate and,
2) Mix up the gene pool
This means that we need to have sex as often as possible and with as many different people as possible. By doing this we will ensure that we are in step with the germs that give us tummy aches and other such ailments. All of this obviously has to be unprotected intercourse as reproduction is the main objective. What would the fidelity preachers, safe sex and AIDS campaigners have to say about this? Of course there's a lot to Nye's credit rather than just plain top of the head theories.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Hitch Key

How much would you pay to get hooked to that one person you've been crazy about? By looks of the movie Hitch quite a bit. C'mon didn't you see the expensive gadgets that Mr Smith had in his pad. But how does one make a lucrative carrer as a love consultant. Not an agony aunt or a match maker but a proper scientific consultant who understands the psychology of your object of desire and gives you the proper roadmap. It's a very personalised service so that's one place where big consultancies won't spring up. Think about it, what if Ernst&Young had a 'personel' consultancy wing. They would have 'partners' going around town snooping around and digging up information about your 'love interest'. Then they'd draw up a feasibility report, depending on your ability to impress that one person and a lot of other personal traits. thy'd charge a bomb to hand over the report to you and then another big packet to tell you methods to overcome the obstacles in your path, if any (Both path and obstacles).
Who'd want all that jazz when one person can do the digging, not give you your flaws in writing and still get you your 'chick'. And God forbid if the government were to come and slap a tax once this becomes an organised sector. Something like a Mergers & Acquisitions tax. It's good this way.
By the way the movie "Hitch" was a pretty good one too. I caught a really late night show, got done by 1:30 am, but didn't feel sleepy even for a minute. Another thing, had this real spunky looking girl sitting next to me.
Will Smith is a love consultant who hitches up couples. He doesn't help patch break ups or help guys bed girls, the good (our culture police will love him) man only facilitates long-term alliances. His forte is making the wimpy, sorry looking guys get the cute/hot girls. In the course of things he flips for a 'society' journalist (gossip columnist) who also flips for him. While busy wooing and flipping he's also fixing up a client (fat accountant, quite goofy) with a rich heiress who is a Page 3 darling. All the usual gaffes and misunderstandings, followed by the senti love lines towards the end make up this latest American blockbuster.
Will Smith- Alex Hitchens (pun?)- Date Doctor
Eva Mendes- Sara Melas- Gossip Columnist
Kevin James (The King of Queens fellow)- Alex Breneman- Accountant, I'm so goofy.
Amber Valleta- Allegra Cole- Rich heiress and gossip column meat.
The movie is populated with the other sundry characters such as the Editor of the paper, the photographer. We also have the leading lady's best pal who gets screwed over and so is partly responsible for the misunderstanding.
A feel good movie with decent laughs. Hitch might just get you hooked.

Dot & Dash

.Listen to the sounds of silence
-You'd have to shut up for that
.You must have had a troubled childhood
-Are you gonna give me more of your Freudian psychology jazz
.I haven't spoken to you about any psychology ever
-Good then don't start because I don't believe Freud, Pavlov or any other western psychologist ever understood what the human mind was all about
.And by that you're hinting that our guys here "in the east" got it right
-Well some fair bit, yes. You see not everything was linked, you weren't treated as an aggregate of your experiences. Something that you did was credited to your intelligence
.But something had to influence that intelligence
-Yeah but not my gonads, definitely not them. I don't look to screw every person I meet. And I don't believe that every relation is doomed
.It probably has affected you at a subliminal level. You probably haven't realised it as yet but your world view might be influenced by that
-If something has to affect me at a subliminal level then why does it have to be a carnal desire, propabably because the person who purported the theory was an egotist who wanted to deny the existence of any sort of more powerful influence
.You hinting at God
-Yeah I am, and I'm not hinting. You want to run those theories through your head then go right ahead, but get one thing clear you'll never know all the answers especially the ones you seek the most. Definitely not if you have apreconceived notion about them. Let your mind float think free and accept any thought that's not a theory. The reason I say no to the new found concepts just so as to weigh in the earlier ones. I won't rush into something just because it has been put forth. Nor will I diss it for the same reason.
.But you did diss them
-We needed this talk
.You bloody hypocrite
-To each man his own
.Will you twist an idea just to fit you stand
-Everytime I take one. God Bless

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

All The LittleThings

Sometimes you just sit and have nothing to do. For me it's one of the most common scenarios. I'm as a rule a bit vacant in life. Staring into nothingness and listening to what people around you are saying is one of the best tricks I pull off. Everyone thinks I hear them but then they "know" that I'm not listening. I'm in one of those moods. But there are no people around and I feel a bit nostalgic.
I'm not too old, but was around early enough to see a fair bit of DD's television programming, listen to programmes on the radio, read a fair amount good articles written by some really good Indian writers and had my bunch of childhood heroes (Phantom, He-Man et al). Oh yeah, I've also played on the 4-bit Atari gaming console. So for all those who came in late (or came out late) here's a refresher/crash course.

A] The first thing that I remember are the daily Phantom and Mandrake comic strips in the Times of India. You never had a better series. Calvin and Asterix are all fine but when you're kid it's gotta be The Ghost Who Walks. Saturdays and Sundays were really bad as you got none of these serialised strips.

B] Misha- The Russian magazine. We subscribed to this because my that's my sister's name. But that was a fortnightly I waited for. Gimme more. Wasn't much of a Tinkle guy.

C] The Saturday Review by the Times. It had really good stuff sometimes. Then something happened and they stopped.

D] Chitrahaar on Wednesdays and Chaayageet on Thursdays. I preferred Chitrahaar, they played newer songs and a couple more than Chaayageet.

E] Fun Time in the afternoon during the summers. Two hours of pure bliss. The afternoon band also a fair amount of interesting serials Karamchand, Aaa Bail Mujhe Maar.

F] Giant Robot and Fireball XL5 was my introduction to international Television programming

G] Saturday evening movies which I was never allowed to watch. Everyone else was busy watching Jeetendra beat up Shakti Kapoor, so I got bored on Sat evenings.

H] Cibaca Geetmala by Ameen Sayani on the radio. By the end of it I was sick of hearing "Gori Hai Kalyiyaan", the movie was Aaj Ka Arjun (Amitabh and Jaya Prada). That song was Numero Uno for almost a year.

I] The original sexy song by Right Said Fred, this wasn't to old but then it set a trend.

J] Street Hawk, this was Knight Rider ka baap.

K] Games like Frogger and Tank Boxing on my Atari console we so low on the graphics front but sooooo much fun.

There are more a lot more such as the Lucille Ball show, the morning radio shows and then Laurel & Hardy on DD. Hawa mahal was a drama show at 20:30 every evening on AIR. Things have moved ahead so quick that sometimes i feel older than I am, just because the transition from so many contraints to free tech has been so quick. I guess this will have a sequel soon.

When The Trough and The Crest....

It shouldn't be very difficult to get the following funda. When the crest of a wave meets a trough of another they cancel out each other if they are of the same magnitude. This is one of the concepts that one learns in class XII or XI or thereabouts. The word for it is destructive interference. Should be ironic that wave motion concepts form the basis of a Bollywod film. The above concept was spoken about repeatedly in White Noise, an pseudo-arty flick by soap queen Vinta Nanda. Nanda was responsible for the assault on our senses way back during the cable boom. The weapon, Tara. Remember the title track going Ta-ta-tara ta-ta-ta-tara or something like that. Now with the wave of Indie cinema in India (Indie as in Independent) she gives us White Noise.
The image “http://im.rediff.com/movies/2004/oct/20white2.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors. A film with a name like that is meant for the niche uber cool audience. A village yokel like me may never be able to comprehend it. What is white noise? The grains you get when the cable from your television is yanked off. The sound that emanates has all the frequencies of sound in it.
The protagonist of the movie is in a cracked up relation with a TV producer. That's what I figured Arayn Vaid's character was. Now just incidentally the chap's married too (hmm extra marital) and has a couple of brats. Wifey comes and tells the mistress to back off.
OK Basic Info:
Mistress/TV Script Writer = Protagonist = Gauri Khanna = Koel Purie
Producer = Wimpy Husband/ Skirt Chaser?= Let's call him Raj= Arayan Vaid
TV Editor = Disgruntled Son/Confused Attraction= Karan, I think..=Rahul Bose
Other sundry characters.
Ok now back to the scene. After Script Writer is asked to back-off she becomes an alcoholic. She was about to wreck a marriage but we are supposed to sympathise with her. Feel her hurt. Did anyone think about Skirt Chaser's wife and kids. In one dialogue the TV Editor did. Anyway women's lib means sleeping with married men and they needn't be the ones married to you. At least that's what our entertainment industry believes.
The story wasn't much, just a confused girl-woman coming to terms with reality. The dialogues were thanks to Jim Morrison. Liberally quoted to rub in the uber cool feel.
So what was good?.... the physics fundae.
What was bad?....the premise, Koel Purie's acting. Please do not rave about her just because her father is this powerful media baron. Bloody, talk of kissing ass. The dialogues.
What was Destructive Interference?.... Arayan Vaid, anytime, anyplace. Someone send him back to the ramp.
What to do?....Don't Watch

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Dot & Dash

.Have you tried punning on your identity?
-Like, "I'm a dashing fellow, ain't I?"
.Ya, you know those are forced ones. The obvious, not so spontaneous ones. They lack the 'pun'ch.
-Ya right. The one you just blurted out was so perfect nah.
.Of course it was. I realised I had said that only after I did.
-Oh so it was so spontaneous and so not obvious that even you didn't know it was coming. Does it always happen to you?
.What, not realise when it's gonna come? Yeah, many a time.
-Hah, you don't realise when you're gonnna come.
.You know according to Euclid a dash is made up of a large number of dots
-According to Einstein it takes so many dots to make up a dash
.Einstein was bad at geometry, that's why he was a clerk.
-You mean to say that a clerk cant be superman...that was sooo good.
.Bullshit no one of got what you were tring to say
-But all of me did. Hahaha

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Was There Heard That

The new policy measures put out by the I&B Ministry yesterday, augurs well for all enterprising individuals. By enterprising individuals I do not mean people who will rush in there to make a fast buck, but rather people who'd see radio as the most viable form of dispensing information and connecting with people. The ministry aims to have as many as 300 radio stations up and running in the country. That's three times the number of television channels we have. The rationalisation of the licence fees will definitely bring in new players, but it will also take the pressure off the existing broadcasters. What I am interested in knowing is whether this will result in the return of a vibrant radio culture?
Most of us weren't around during the big radio boom; atleast the world wide phenomenon. India too had its share of radio stars, cult characters like Inspector Eagle, show hosts like Ameen Sayani and the baap of all quiz shows BQC. Think about it, radio was so big that AIR rejected a particular someone who had auditioned for the positon of a show host, RJ in today's parlance. The guy went onto act in films and became India's biggest superstar. In hindsight Amitabh Bacchan would have made a good radio quiz master.
The return of a radio culture will also augument the impact of P2P journalism. We always react and relate more to a voice as compared to a whole host of images overlayed with a commentary. Similarly our decisions will always be influenced more by our peers than say a newspaper or trade journal. An independent, unopinionated information disbursal system will ensure the survival of unhindred debate, where the opinion of an individual will be heard as is, without the intervention of a channel or publisher with its own agenda.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Pots And Fans

The sixth Potter book is slated for a mid-July release, I think it's the 16th. The marketing hype surrounding the 672 page (that's the publisher's figure) release has to be huge. Scholastic, the American publisher, will have a 10.4 million initial print run for the book. The highest ever for any book and 4 million more than the earlier Potter offering. The book has already hit the top spot on many bestseller lists including Amazon. All this just based on the pre-orders

So far the book's had its share of controversies/rumours. First we had the title controversy way back in June last year. Then Hagrid was rumoured to be the Half-Blood Prince. The other contenders were the usual suspects, Tom Riddle, Harry Potter. People speculated as to whether Aurthur Weasley would be the new Minister for Magic but JK Rowling's website struck down that suggestion. The saga of rumours jumping up to get your attention will go on till the book is out. So will the scams like the Potter e-book scam. One thing's for sure though, the books (No. 6 & No. 7) will be darker, probably morbid to some extent, than their predecessors-Book 5 wasn't particularly happy. There will be more deaths as Potter grows older. Not that any of these predictions are affecting sales, the marketing juggernaut or the growing popularity of these books.

A Time To Blog

How big will blogging be? Even as you read this many "pro" bloggers are logging out. The fad's dead and so is the spark says Kiruba Shankar, one of India's most active blogger (www.Kiruba.com), who has put in his last post. The dictates of consumerism has taken over, the eyes are glued to the 'Adsense' performance chart. Original thought and good intentions are being sidelined by Mammon. This trend will kill a lot of good writers who entered blog scene to meet, converse, and share ideas with others. It will also mean that everyone with a decent bandwidth will rush to set up blogs, just as there was a mad rush for personal homepages. I, for one, had a blog up in June '05 but have started regular updates only over the last week. I've also gone ahead and signed up for those advertisement services provided by Google and Amazon. Being in the publishing industry, writing comes easy to me, so leveraging that to set up a publishing platform of my own seems too tempting an idea. This might be true for many others, people who have a POV and want the world to know about it. The hippy pioneers and the baby boomers of the blog scene are wrapping up their sites, but a new breed of enterprising individuals are latching onto this as a viable business idea. Syndication of your blog feed and services like mobile-blogging are coming into the limelight. With the bandwidth scene in our country improving and a slow but perceptible increase in the acceptance of the internet as a parallel media/broadcast platform, blogging or blogrolling might just end up being one of the most lucrative/influential mediums for communicating an idea.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Dot & Dash

.Wanna talk bout love
-What bout love?
.You know the cliched type of love talk
-Why would I want to do a cliche with you?
.Because you have nothing better to do
-But cliched love talk with a person of the same sex
.What you Homophobic now?
-No, but you're not homosexual either.
.Now that's not a problem. Let's assume that I am a homosexual
-Well, then we also got to realise that I might not be a homosexual
.C'mon just for talking. I hereby ordain you a pukka....I'm tempted to rhyme that with you know what
-Don't do it, we don't want to be called insensitive, do we?
.Hell no, won't go with my homosexual image anyway
-Why do we get such short lines?
.Cos you ask such stupid questions honey
-Why the effyouseekay you call me hon man?
.Now why you talking like a motown man
-Jusforkix
.Don't plagiarise
-Now I'm bored
.Is that why you stole a line
-Ok bye
.Bye sweetie, I'll wait
-I'll be back sugarmuffins

continued

Monday, March 28, 2005

Playing Around

What does it feel like? Now, now I'm not taking about anything here. These are jsut one of those plugs. When you have nothing to say, PLUG. You I think there is a big cartel of electronic manufacturers who make sure that we always need adaptors. Earlier we needed them for our PLUGS, cos the Americans used a different Voltage. Stupid Hobbitses. Then we had adaptors and patches for softwares so that our Office would be compatible with our Macs. Now we shall soon have an adaptor for our DVDs you know with all the stand-off between the Blu-Ray camp and the HD-DVD one. A parallel industry just making adaptors. The whole real story behind the Electronics companies bottomlines. Hows that for a conspiracy theory? Will some big firm come down and serve a legal notice? Shut down this blog cos they feel threatened by this blog that has very limited reach. A major Indian media house had done that to a small little blog, read by probably a couple of thousand viewers. Hope to see you on the front page.

I'm Getting Swamped

Hell, how I wish this was true. My Plain Jane blog, so poor, without updates and content. No photographs to vie for the Photobloggies. All this augumented by bad spelling and malapropism. Alas I shall never be a star in the blogging scene. Oh I forgot, there's also a writer's block to contend with. What the hell is the block doing with me, I'm no writer. I am not a fence sitter. I can't spell well and to top it all I am extremely opinionated. This makes me a bad journo. A bad Journo who cannot write.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Dot &Dash

-I want a laptop. How much will it cost me?
.Haha, depends on the make
-That's it. Only the make
.No postage and handling will be charged extra. You'd also have to pay taxes if any.
-Ok, so there's fineprint too
.No, it's not called fine print. It's after sales service
-Yeah rightIt's good you know, make a lot of money by selling ideas that make people spend more money
.Hey that's not fair. Money is to spend. If you didn't spend all of that moolah, what's the use of making any? Your crusade against this money thing will end up questioning the reason behind making the wheel
-Who are you a capitalist zealot?
.Hello it's 2005. Doesn't make sense to align yourself anywhere. I'm your fence sitter
-And from there you pass your judgements
.No, just acting like an incorrigible ass hole. You could say that I am an idealist
-And I'm Einstein
.No you're not. You would have understood that I'm seeing everything relatively
-Relative to what?
.To the other frame. In your case IBM, Compaq, hp, Apple... hell even Bill Gates and Stallman
-So where are you in the war against the terror
.Depends on who you are. I'll try my best to oppose you
-Hah, you're a rebel woithout a cause
.No I mean to offend you.
-You're sounding shallow now
.That's the whole point. People must think someone out here is fast running out of ideas
-And that is wrong because...



continued